Freedom Found

According to Merriam-Webster, independence is defined as “the quality or state of being independent: freedom from outside control or support.” As a teenager, I remember praying for the day I would have the independence and freedom to make my own decisions. As an adult, there are times when I wish someone else could be in charge for a little while.

I married young and had two daughters by the age of twenty-six. I was fortunate to be a stay-at-home mom, and I was grateful for every minute of it. We sacrificed vacations and extras so I could raise our girls. We were a team. I supported my husband as he worked his way up in the HVAC industry, attending school while working swing shifts until he became an engineer and eventually an Assistant Chief. Watching his confidence grow alongside his career was rewarding because we were building the life we had planned together.

As the girls grew older, I decided I wanted to return to school to become a nurse. He was supportive at first, but eventually asked me to return to work to help with the bills. I took a job as a teaching assistant in the local school district so I could keep the same schedule as my daughters and still be there for sports, school events, and everything in between. Before long, I realized I couldn't keep up with work, family, and nursing school. The dream was placed on the back burner.

Two years later, he decided he wasn't happy. As much as it came as a shock at the time, I realized I wasn't happy either. I had become so consumed with being everything to everyone else that I had forgotten about myself.

I'm not going to pretend the divorce was amicable, because it wasn't. He emptied our bank accounts, and eventually I was forced to sell our home. After eighteen years of marriage, I found myself standing at a crossroads, completely dependent on someone who was no longer there. I remember asking myself, How did I get here?

That question became my turning point.

I enrolled at the community college and attended classes after work and on Saturdays. I earned my associate degree and quickly realized that if I wanted to truly support my daughters and myself, I would need a bachelor's degree as well.

I transferred to Queens College with the intention of becoming an English teacher, but life once again forced me to pivot. I couldn't afford to take a semester off to complete student teaching, so I changed my major, earning a bachelor's degree in Sociology with a minor in Psychology. I explored careers in hospitals and county agencies, took civil service exams, and applied for countless positions before realizing I was already invested in my pension through the school district.

Maybe it was time to revisit the dream I had put aside.

I enrolled in a Master of Arts in Teaching program and, through a Transitional B certification, accepted a full-time teaching position before completing my degree. I graduated in 2019 and have been teaching ever since. I truly found my dream job, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Why did I share all of this? Because independence wasn't something I chose. It was forced upon me. Yet it brought the greatest rewards.

When I look back on how I got here, I beam with pride. It wasn't easy. During my divorce, my father warned me that I would lose everything and have to start over.

He was right.

I did lose everything.

But starting over turned out to be exactly what I needed.

There was once a young woman who dreamed of earning a college degree. Life simply took her in a different direction. She became dependent on someone else while two little girls depended on her. Somewhere along the way, she forgot about herself. It wasn't until everything fell apart that she remembered the dreams she had quietly set aside.

Today, I'm at peace. I'm independent. I make choices that are right for me. I've worked hard to build boundaries, speak up for myself, and trust that my voice matters. My journey hasn't followed the traditional path, but I've come to believe that the choices we make—even the ones made for us—have a way of leading us exactly where we're meant to be.

Now, the part about sometimes wishing someone else could take responsibility for a while? That's still true. Independence can be exhausting. Maybe I've become a little too accustomed to carrying everything myself. My hope is that one day I'll meet someone who values independence as much as I do, while also teaching me that accepting help doesn't diminish my strength. Sometimes the greatest freedom is knowing you don't always have to do it alone.